Tell me when you are ready?

Art therapy session with Jaana – 12 January 2020http://www.jaanasahling.com/

Today I am ….

A butterfly, I unravel from a dark place to find light. Something shook in my dark place, I wake, realising how uncomfortable I am. I realise how wet it is in here, where am I? I begin to move, fight, I try to stretch my legs, unfold my feelers and wings.

Who am I? These things I am moving I don’t really understand them, I don’t know who I am, but I know I want to meet me. I want to create me, I want to explore what being brave means?

I move, I wriggle, I keep stretching, a little more space is created each time. I have stopped struggling, I know in my heart there is a way, be calm, trust, this is the work that needs to be done now, stetch, move, stretch, move, gently wriggle.

Curiosity sets in, what’s in the future? How is this going to look? wriggle, wriggle, stretch, stretch, excitement, I ponder how the future looks and then it happens!

I pause, one eye sees through a tiny hole, I lean forward, forward from the darkness, I push my head against the wall of darkness and wet. Only one eye can see through the small hole, i’m in awe!

What is it? Is it heaven? am I dead?, I move, no! i’m here! it’s the light of life, it’s my future, it’s me, it’s where I am going. I wriggle, I stretch, more space each time, I enjoy the softness of my surroundings, I enjoy the wet, soft squishy surroundings, I feel like i’m stretching like a new born baby waking up.

I expand, lengthen, reach when suddenly I fall, fall … life as I didn’t know it unfolds, breath fills my belly like a huge yawn, wings grow wide and radiant, from side to side, a perfect shimmering blue with black borders.

I hang in the sky in wonder of how I got here, I am here, this is it, this is life, this is now?

Life and a Piano

And Quote by Yariet Anne Peers

“One could say the intricate make up of a piano is like life, it looks complicated but once you have mastered the instrument of life it plays the sweetest tunes, a little practice every day goes a long way.”

Welcome to Australia …

A short story that I entered into the Wyndham writers festival 2019. I didn’t hear back but i’m proud of myself for sending something in, and i’m proud that i’m sharing it here with you. Enjoy!

Lola felt relaxed as the piolets voice came over the intercom advising the passengers that their flight was about to commence it’s decent into Brisbane. The actual flight terrified Lola, bouncing what felt like all over the sky, but, Lola had travelled extensively through Europe and East Africa, she felt that she knew what the drill would be disembarking from the plane. Go to boarder control, some grumpy customs official who’s job’s due by date is well expired,  he or she would ask Lola a few questions, possibly give her a hard time and then stamp her passport, she would then commence through to baggage collection, get her bag, go through the green light, because that is what everyone does and Wala, there her Jim Morrison boyfriend that she met in London would be waiting for her, he would be over the moon to see her, pick her up and swing her around because he had missed her so much. O.K. maybe that would be pushing it, she didn’t know what he would do when he saw her, but she knew that he would have missed her a lot and would be over the moon to see her, after all, that is what all his e-mails where indicating, that he missed her and couldn’t wait to see her.

I mean, this is Australia, there is no way that it would be worse than crossing a corrupt boarder in Africa or getting kicked in the ribs at mid night whilst traveling on a train through Eastern Europe, passport control into Australia was going to be a walk in the park.

The air hostess came around handing out the ‘income passenger card’s’ to each person in the plane, everyone had to complete it, it’s Australian immigration law. Lola’s relaxed nature and extensive experience traveling over land, through Europe and Africa had her tick ‘no’ to every question. As a matter of fact, she didn’t even bother reading the questions, I mean who even takes those cards seriously. This was despite her having an extra two cartons of Marlboro light, remember this was 1998, you could still bring two cartons of cigarettes into Australia, and there were still a couple of smokers left. Lola had heard that cigarettes were expensive in Australia and although she wasn’t a big smoker, there is nothing wrong with saving a few dollars whilst she settles into her new home. Let’s not forget the extra bottles of red wine she was bringing in, they are always good gifts and South Africa is known for its wine. Besides she had heard that her possible future father in-law didn’t mind a drop or few of red so she decided to put an extra couple of bottles in her bag.

The plane hit the tarmac, bouncing slightly from left to right until the wheels settled comfortably onto the runway, the breaks screeched as the plane desperately slowed down. The Bowing slowly pulled into the parking bay as everyone darted up, grabbing their bags. Lola had waited long enough to get here, here to Australia, the land of sun, thongs and surf, she sat patiently as everyone scurried to get their bags and wait for the side doors to open. She stared out the window and watched the carts, trailers, trucks pull in around the aeroplane, people in bright orange overall’s and white hard hats jumping out their vehicles and set about their tasks. Lola looked down at the small people scurrying around like Ants in a nest. Lola wondered if Australians were going to have different, distinct feature that would tell them apart from South African’s. She wondered if she would be able to understand them? She had a small handful of Australian mates in London and they were like her except for the Australian accent. They were a minority of the Australian population and Lola wondered if most Australian’s would be different to them or the same?

Lola was interrupted by the movement of the passengers disembarking from the aeroplane, she began to make her move, get her bags and follow the crowds to passport control. Butterflies began to flutter in her stomach, not because of passport control but she was going to see Chris, she hadn’t seen him in months, eight to be exact, she was starting to get excited. Oh, and Australia, it was going to be amazing, her new life, in a new place, she was very excited to explore Australia, not to mention the party’s and fun times that lay ahead of her.

If there was one thing Lola learnt from her past life working as a travel consultant, it was that travel always consisted of hurrying up and then waiting, so she always made a point of not running with the masses. She figured unless you were on business, what was the point fighting the crowds? She walked comfortably through what seemed like endless passages that gently urged her in one direction, and that was to passport control. As she sauntered through the corridors She noticed the uniformed men and woman stopping travellers and asking questions and then letting them go. Some would ask for their entry cards and she noticed them scribbling something on the card before they would release the exited traveller. She couldn’t see or hear what was going on so she didn’t see the point in hovering when she couldn’t find out any juicy facts, Lola kept following the herd around the next corner.

As Lola was coming around the corner she was pulled into line with about 8 other people. They were all asked to put their bags on the floor as a sniffer dog was released over the bags, running up and down, up and down, sniffing, stopping, sniffing and running up and down again. Lola found this quite fascinating, she had never experienced this before, ‘what where they sniffing for? Suddenly Lola’s heart began to beat a little fast, ‘where they sniffing for drugs?’ Although Lola never took drugs and hadn’t any encounter with them, suddenly, she was wondering if one of the dogs would stop on top of her bag, OMG! Lola’s mind was racing with scenarios of how drugs could land in her bag, what went down at one of her many farewell parties, did she have that bag with her at any of the wild farewell party’s she attended? But just in that moment the security guard informed them they were all clear and could proceed to passport control. How the mind plays tricks, she needed to learn to trust herself despite what her mind tells her.

Lola found the person at passport control quite pleasant. He was kind, she understood him and he even told her to enjoy her stay in Australia. This quick interaction calmed her down, she was back on track, back to cruising, isn’t that what Australians do? Simply cruise around. Everyone in London always commented on the Australians relaxed, good day attitude. Yip, she was back on track, her confident but relaxed nature kicked back in as she made her way to the carrousel to collect her many bags, after all, she was moving to Australia, they didn’t know that, but that was the intention.

Lola had all her bags packed up on her trolley, now for the final step, through the green light at security and then she was free to go, into Chris’s arms, into the Land Down Under where she could commence her life of beaches, surf, beer and hanging out at the local shack where all the cool surfers would meet at the end of the day. She imagined her hair would be naturally bleached by the sun, her body would be toned and tanned once she learnt how to surf and life would be chilled, just like on the movies, just like Point Break, you know the movie with Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves.

Lola was quite surprised when she was stopped walking through the green light to exit into arrivals. The officer kindly asked her to please step into the que and proceed through the red light. “We just need to check your bag,’ he said in a firm but very friendly voice. Lola didn’t think this request was unusual so she did as he asked. She arrived at a long silver, metal, sterile counter, she met with yet another of the many custom offices. Once again speaking to her in a firm but friendly manner, once again Lola didn’t think anything of it, this was obviously the part where they give her a bit of grief and then let her exit, she was waiting for this part, she through she was going to get away with the ‘pretend’ interrogation before they let her into Brisbane, but obviously not.

Lola noticed that every counter was filled with people being searched, she was aware that there were a lot of very upset people. People crying, shouting, asking to see managers, Lola started becoming familiar with the ciaos that surrounded her. Lola’s only though at this point, was that all these people must be over exaggerating, whatever is happening to them, they must deserve it, this was not going to happen to her, she hadn’t done anything wrong and besides, her guy seemed professional but he was smiling and he looked kind.

He took Lola’s entry card and held it up “did you complete this card Mame?”, he asked in a stern and straightforward tone. Wow! What just happened to Mr Friendly Lola though …, “yes,” Lola replied, still feeling up beat but a little confused as to what was going on, “is this your signature?”, he asked pointing to the signature box at the bottom of the card. Lola paused, leaning forward as if to study the signature that she knew very well was her signature, “yes” she replied with a more formal tone, Lola could sense that she needed to take what was unfolding with an element of seriousness, I mean how uptight can one man in this relaxed nation really get. “On the card, it asks you if you are bringing more than two cartons of cigarettes into Australia, I see you have ticked the box that says ‘no’, however I see …,” he gestures to Lola’s trolley with her plastic bag from duty free that has four cartons of Marlboro Lights hanging out of the bag. Lola looked at the trolley and the plastic bag as all the colour drained out of her face, “oh! I am so sorry, I must have misread the question”, “I see you have also ticked no, when it asks if you have more than two bottles of wine?” Lola glances back at her trolley, back at the second and third duty free bags filled with a couple bottles of extra wine, just in case she might need them as gifts.

By this time, Lola had turning a delightful shade of crimson, perhaps all Lola’s energy was draining out of her, but the colour filling her cheeks as she realised that she is about to be ridiculed like one of her fellow travellers surrounding her shouting or in tears. “You know this is a legal document and incorrectly completed is considered a lie, if found guilty this comes with a penalty of $75,000.00 and possible imprisonment?” WHAT THE? Lola’s eyes grew the size of sauce pans, she wanted to scream, please ask me for a bribe, kick me in the ribs, anything but not jail, I’m simply not the jail type Lola was thinking whilst fear filled her body with uncertainty. “I’m sorry sir” she replies with her eyes lowered as if she was talking to the Last Emperor of China.

 “We are now going to check your bags, this is just standard procedure and shouldn’t take long.” “no worries” Lola replies with a good Aussie “no worries!” thinking it might make a difference. He asked Lola to lift her biggest bag onto the counter. Lola was a bit taken back, why the biggest one if this was going to be quick? And why wasn’t he helping her? how rude. But that’s O.K, Lola is strong woman, if you can’t lift your own bag then you shouldn’t be traveling, right? Isn’t that the unspoken word of travel? She placed the bag on the counter and opened it for him to check inside. “Please unpack the bag.” Lola looked at him shocked, surprised, was this guy been serious, “you want me to unpack my whole suitcase.” Lola checked in, “yes, please.” He confirmed with a stern “yes, the whole bag!”

One by one Lola was asked to put each bag on the counter and unpack them, the customs official went through every item, if he couldn’t pat it down he would open it, he opened things that Lola didn’t even know could open, he found places in each bag that Lola didn’t even know existed, he opened each carton of cigarettes, each packet as he removed a cigarette and sniffed it as if he was looking for narcotics.

Lola stood before the customs official shocked and stunned, all her dreams and illusions of Australia slipping away as she stood there feeling as though she was a criminal, feeling as though she had done something terribly bad, feeling as though she didn’t belong here, what had she done? Once again Lola looked around as she witnessed a young lady at the next counter, she was shouting at the customs official, “you are a horrible man, you are unkind, you are mean.” Shouting as she was shoving all her belongings back into her suitcase, the customers official standing back, hands crossed in front of him, staring at her with no response as she sobbed still screaming and shouting and packing.

Lola’s attention returned to her own situation, she finally understood that she was no different to the other travellers, she felt confused and in that moment, all her dreams of her future in Australia became like she felt, confused and uncertain.

The customs official stood back, crossed his hands in front of his waist and said, “you may pack your bag mame, you are free to go!” Lola looked around, she was the last person left, all the other custom officials had gathered in groups, talking and laughing as they wait for the next load of cattle to be fed through the cattle grids to be poked and prodded before they are released into the vast lands of Australia. Lola finally finished stuffing all her clothes, books, journals and presents back into any space in the bags lying before her. She lifted her bags and put them back on her trolley. She slowly pushed the trolley through the exit doors with the green light, Chris was one of a few people standing there looking helpless, he threw his arms up in the air, rolled his eyes and simply said, “I thought you weren’t on the aeroplane, I thought you didn’t come,” as he gently took Lola’s trolley and began pushing it to the exit.

THE DONKEY WORK …

Way back in 1995 I was stuck with two friends between the border posts of Kenya and Tanzania. What happened, is we got through the boarder of Kenya, please trust me when I tell you this task alone was a challenge, and then we found our selves in no man’s land.

We were told that there would be a Matatu, another word for a shared taxi service in Kenya and Tanzania. The Matatu would take us about 7 or 8 KM to the Tanzanian boarder, for us to enter Tanzania. This doesn’t sound like far but when you are hauling your life on your back, it can be quite the challenge.

WELL! Let’s just say the taxi driver wasn’t seeing 3 humans walking towered him, but rather US Dollar signs. When we asked him how much to catch the Taxi, he gave us a ridiculous amounts to which we refused to pay. I can’t remember the amount, but I do remember the cost quoted was day light robbery, and based on our principles, we refused to pay. This was an occurrence we were used to, traveling down the East Coast of Africa with no organised tour group, People tend to think you are loaded, travelling on USD and want to take advantage of you. It’s all part of the experience.

The part that we hadn’t encountered thus far in our African adventures, was when he closed the door and drove of leaving us in the wild with the animals. We did encounter this again on our trip, but this was our first time being deserted in the middle of Africa not knowing what was in front of us and not having anything to go back to.

Our only option was forward! and there was nothing is site except a long dirt road with plenty of African bush on either side. I remember loading up, Big pack on my back, small one on the front, and anything we had collected on the way in our hands. If your friend had over indulged then you helped them out. I remember picking everything up and walking. You know, when you know, you must do something, you really don’t want to do, but there is no other option. There is no point winging or carrying on, just walk! My two male friends quickly picked up their bags, and walked after me. I remember John being so impressed with me and commenting on how I didn’t mess around. I would simply load myself up and get on with the walk, no matter how heavy the bags or how long the walk.

From that moment on I inherited the name Mule. Not in a bad way but rather in a way of strength. Never complaining, doing the crap work and being so strong to lift the heavy load, and get the crap part done, so that we could reach our next location of paradise, we hoped.

Today I experienced what is called “The Donkey work”, and yes! That is a phrase. Whilst planning my training for a marathon. I experienced what it is like to do the ground work. The future is clear, all there is to do, is follow your plan and take the action that you said you were going to do. Please know that it has taken me two months of procrastination, coffee catch up’s, blaming and avoiding. Not forgetting my son contracting some contagious bacteria to lock me in my house, to get me to this point. But! the important part is that I’m present to the positive impact planning can have.

I have also brought tippex back into my life, white out or correction pen, whatever you want to call it. It doesn’t smell as good as when I was in school but it certainly is back in the stationery draw and looks AWESOME all over my written diary.

Blank white paper scribbles

I haven’t started implementing the plan that I have created. I promised myself that I would write and share my journey as I am experiencing it. Previously, I would say to myself that I would post a blog when I have achieved the result, but as you can see I don’t blog. So, instead of saving everything till it’s done and then never sharing, I’m at the very beginning of my journey, sharing my planning to run a “freaking”marathon.

Old running plan

As I was planning my running and strength training I was terrified and empowered at the same time. Shaking with fear, satisfaction and invigorated all at the same time. I was physically shaking at one stage, I felt like I was fulfilling my journey of creativity. I had to stop and write the following …

Before I share what came into my head, I must quickly let you that instead of using the work donkey, I was going to use the word “schmuck”. But, using the Yiddish word for penis simply didn’t feel right to describe my self. When I was looking up alternative words for someone who get’s the “crap work” done I came up with “The donkey work” and so I became a donkey. Keep reading and you will see what i’m rambling on about.

Written diary, not the pink workouts.

“Am I the only donkey that has to print out her old running schedule, Stick it together with sticky tape so that she can physically see it out in front of her?

Am I the only donkey that has to scribble a plan all over blank white paper so that I can visually see what it’s going to look like week in and week out?

Am I the only donkey that needs to write a factual plan into a written diary with pink ink. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get my head around something so simple?

Am I the only donkey that takes two months to fulfil something so simple?

Am I the only donkey that whilst this all unfolds, my mind is running a thousand miles an hour with all the other projects and expressions I want to complete, share and do?

Focus Yariet, you have it all written down, focus on the task before you, get this done, implement it and then move onto your next idea.

A few hours of creativity, creating health and fitness, setting yourself a challenge, declaring it before you now.

The schedule lies silent, in pink, silent on the pages of my diary, summarised into my electronic diary …

… all that is left Yariet, is to fulfil your dream … run your marathon, bring the pink ink that lies silent on your pages to life.”

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The Final Entry for health and fitness planning

ANNI B SWEET – TAKE ON ME

If any of you grew up in the 80’s you will remembers A-ha, take on me. The other day I stumbled across this remake by Anni B Sweet, and it’s like her name says, it’s so sweet on the ears.

When I listen to this song it makes me think of the individuals that are literally taking them selves on, doing the self work or like me, learning to fall in love with them selves. I reckon we should have a global slogan saying …. “TAKE YOU ON, BECAUSE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU DESERVE IT!”

Anyway enough about that for now, enjoy this magic.

Take On Me – Anni B Sweet

We’re talking away
I don’t know what
I’m to say I’ll say it anyway
Today’s another day to find you
Shying away
I’ll be coming for your love, OK?

Take on me, take me on
I’ll be gone
In a day or two

So needless to say
I’m odds and ends
But that’s me stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK.
Say after me
It’s no better to be safe than sorry

Take on me, take me on
I’ll be gone
In a day or two

Oh the things that you say
Is…

We can’t stop (Acapella Version) Miley Cyrus (50’s Style) Postmodern Jukebox

I have the original version of this song on my running list, when I listen to it, it takes me to never, never land. Sometimes when I run and listen to music, I get to the end of the path or the road, come back to reality not remembering the path I have just run, these moments are what I consider magic moments.

I love Poastmodern Jukebox as they take some of my favourite songs back in time, this is certainly one of my favourites. ♥️

https://youtu.be/XH-DbZF1BUY

MUMFORD & SONS – GUIDING LIGHT

 I couldn’t help but share the excitement of Mumford & Sons new album released today called Delta. We all know them well from their 2012 album Babel, song after song of pure perfection, hopefully they fill us with pure joy once again? – Enjoy! This sample.

Mumford & Sons – Delta